So many times we are faced with similar situations we’ve been through before and somehow, the outcome always seems to be the same. Or most of the time we automatically foresee the same thing unfolding yet again.
Why? Why does it repeat itself? Usually because we haven’t changed the way we deal with it, we haven’t tried new angles. Or maybe we have changed a bit but still got the same end result. Maybe the that change alone wasn’t enough.
Making changes to our behavior, attitudes and patterns is much like experimenting with a cooking recipe. We tweak it until we’re satisfied with it.
Some get it right the first time, while others struggle a bit with the process. But eventually if we’re persistent we end up getting it right.
The past week I was wondering, what was it that I could do differently. My brain was taking me nowhere, so I grabbed my notebook and wrote that question. Then I realized that first I need to figure out what was it that I did wrong. So I needed to start by figuring out what my behavior was and only then move on to that question.
So in order:
- What was your initial pattern?
- What were you doing wrong?
- What can you do differently now?
I do recommend writing it down as you go along, it’s like a conversation flowing within yourself. Your answers come faster this way.
One important thing to keep in mind is, what is it that you want to get from this situation. This is important.
Here’s a mindless example, trying to break a pattern of shyness I was wondering if I should ask this one person’s number. And on my notes I wrote “Should I ask for the number? With a reason? Without any reason? As a test?”. It became clear to me that the only reason I wanted it was to see what reaction it would cause. I wouldn’t call nor would I text, so there was no point. It could make up for something awkward. And I actually like the slow pace I’m getting to know this person. I want things to happen naturally without forced interventions.
So maybe we should also add this one to the list:
- What is the desired outcome?
Even if you don’t get it right this time, the ride should feel different. And possibly provide you with new information. Every experience offers knowledge.
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| [ tags ] goals • well-being |
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