Awhile back there’s was a new classmate in my school who happened to from my hometown (rare thing). We started chatting, just really trying to know a little bit more about each other, and in the middle of it I asked her how old she was. She did tell me her age but she also said “I don’t think people’s age is a relevant thing to know”. At the time I just thought “I wasn’t going to discriminate you by your age”, but then I started to wonder, why did I ask about age? Why would that matter, or what would that reveal to me?

Just plain curiosity doesn’t quite answers it.

Age can be a point in common. If our age isn’t too far apart we can find common points in childhood memories, a childhood hero an important event or something else from that era. It gives you a lot of topics to explore with this person, specially when you’re getting to know one another. It can give you a faint idea of their background. Even when it’s someone who’s age is farther from ours, it still pin points an era which we might know something about, or not. It can sparkle questions.

Other than that, how relevant is it?

Will age hint on someone’s maturity? Absolutely no! There are kids whom can be more mature than some adults. Just because there’s a social expectation of a maturity level in accordance with certain ages, it doesn’t make it true.

When we are teenagers we think that we will change and become adults as we turn a certain age. Not so much turning 18, but I see the most reluctance about turning 20 or 21. That’s when we officially leave our teens behind and enter a whole new decade. The 20′ies it’s supposed to be when you get a job, move out, get married, and so on. But the year we were born doesn’t determine much, our personality does.

A lot of younger girls I see look older than me because they behave a certain way, and vice-versa. Even thought we associate these things with age, it’s has more to d with attitude and personality than age.

Sometimes these things can get to our head. I know it got to me when I turned 24 earlier this year. Where I thought I was supposed to be and where I actually was, were very different. And I was going crazy about it, feeling bad and a bit of a loser!

But that was ridiculous. Age shouldn’t matter, just like gender, ethnicity or whatever! We each have our own path, we aren’t supposed to be all serialized in the same stages at the same time.

We have so many communication tools available to us and we often choose to abuse of the more impersonal ones. Some people even steer away from email and only communicate on MSN!

That’s just silly.

Yes, those less personal services have a purpose, but they don’t replace the former. Every tool has it’s place and due function.

This makes me wonder about the way we interact with everyone now-a-days.

How many of us barely look at those who are serving us at a restaurant or cafe? Without the intention of flirting, that is. Usually we barely acknowledge them. How rarely do we make a connection? Even if it’s just a brief one, it only benefits both parties.

And how open are we really to new people entering our lives, specially after our teenage years?

And why do we obsess over so called celebrities and public figures?

Do we feel so disconnected that we need to invade on other’s privacy to compensate for our own lack of intimacy and involvement?

Do we feel so disconnected that we need to expose our own privacy to whomever is willing to see, to compensate for our own lack of involvement?

Why do we love to peek at stranger’s lives? Why do some of us get addicted to following somebody else’s life events though magazines and TV? Simple curiosity can turn into sordid gossip addition.

People become unfocused of their own lives and those around them.

It completely blows my mind away, when I hear people talk about the personal lives of public figures. They talk as if they were talking about family relatives. It bothers me deeply. They don’t know these people, they don’t know their circumstances! What the media says isn’t the absolute truth nor does it know all the facts. Actually the media isn’t about the facts, is simply about sensationalism!

And yet million of people are addicted to this dynamic while become more and more distant from their surroundings.

“Why should I write something that millions of people already wrote about?”

Why not? Millions wrote about and millions more will write about it! The same thing can be written differently, which some ways work best for some people than others. There are just so many ways of telling a story and each one reaches different people.

“I’m not a specialist to write about a certain subject.”

So what? So many people out there do it! Plus, I’m not claiming to be an expert on whatever subject I write about. I just need to let go of my insecurity! I can write about whatever I want and express my opinions publicly! Not everyone needs to agree, and I certainly don’t expect that. But some others will and those are the ones that count.

Ah, yes! I’m feeling purged!

Ever since I was a small kid, I loved to draw and paint. It was always a big outlet for me. But as much as I loved it, after that year, I didn’t feel this was meant to be my career!

By now I was a bit drained of it, juicing it out full-time for a year. And I finally gave into trying out jewellery for real, and entered school. As my mind shifted a bit away from drawing, and much more from painting, as I felt I need a break from that. Other than the random doodles, I haven’t did anything significant or meaningful in about 3 years now.

A while back I started missing that outlet, as I needed something to express my emotions and thoughts again. And it hit me, am I stupid? Am I just going to just throw to waste this talent, something that had always been so innate in me? I can’t afford to lose it! And I know that if I don’t use it (and work on it), it will eventually fade away.

So, I’m back trying to develop this thing further!

I like working with metals and making jewelry out of it. But then, lately, I feel like the end result is just something superficial and materialist! I don’t want to work everyday on something that leaves me feeling guilty for not be doing something more meaningful.

While searching for meaning in this, I could view it as a gift that will be memorable for someone. But that doesn’t really push my buttons.
Or maybe that, it’s a piece that will make someone else feel good about themselves, or beautiful while wearing it. But I kinda shrug to this.
It’s not that these aren’t valid reasons. They are! It’s just not what drives me.

How can I do this, if I myself don’t understand the “why wear it” in the first place (beyond vanity)? I guess, sometimes, I need everything to have a deep meaning…

I’ve been wanting to make this website more personal and less of a static portfolio.
Jewellery isn’t my identity, so why should my website be all about it? Let’s change that.
I want the website to reflect more of who I am.

But then, what is my identity? What’s my image? What is it that identifies me?

Since I can’t seem to figure it out, I won’t put up a front. I’ll just try to show as many of my facets as can. I’ll contradict myself if necessary. I’ll try to be brave on stepping out of my shell of comfort.

This is the goal.
Let’s see how it goes!

It felt so pointless, the artist thing.

For a while this bothered me deeply, “I’m an Artist” didn’t really tell me much about what is it that they exactly do. And at the same time I thought it was a bit presumptuous of them, it was upsetting me.

After some time, it finally hit me why it displeased me so damn much…

Being an artist isn’t an occupation. Beings an artist is an identity!

When I’m asking what you do, if you’re an artist, I’m asking about your art. What is your art?
Through what media, how do you express your artist’s identity?

In this context, “I’m an artist” is simply so vague and empty. Meaningless.

Is it someone who experiences life and then recreate that through a medium? Is it someone who shows the world their skills? Is it just someone with creative ideas?

Or is it maybe just a label?

Is it what you do that defines you? Or is it who you are, that defines what you do?

What defines me? Is it my experience? What about my personality? My emotions, my line of thinking, my mistakes, my insight, my dreams, my karma…?

It’s the whole mix that makes us who we are. But still, who and what am I?

Must I be someone? Must I, at all, be? How does one know ones identify? How do I decode all the information, how do I gather all of it into an answer?

And will I ever find it?